


Ethics, Schmethics

by QueenIX



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: F/M, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Gen, Mild Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-12
Updated: 2018-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-05 06:57:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14612157
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenIX/pseuds/QueenIX
Summary: During the events of "Meridian," Odo helps Kira get her revenge against Quark for his attempt to distribute holo-porn based on her image. However, Odo and Kira aren't exactly handling the problem the way they should. That doesn't stop them, though. It is DS9, and justice is justice, even if it's only poetic.





	Ethics, Schmethics

 

“Odo,” Kira asked, her dark eyes sparkling with a devilish gleam, “do you have a few hours to spare?”

“I might,” Odo said. “What exactly did you have in mind?”

Kira slid into the guest chair at Odo’s desk. “How are you at making permanent mods to holo-programs?”

“I don’t know,” he replied. “I've never tried before. But I am familiar with the code Quark’s programs use if that’s what you’re asking.”

“Perfect,” Kira said. “Then here’s the plan…”

Odo listened carefully as Kira laid out her plan to stop Quark from fulfilling the request of his VIP client, the loathsome Tiron. Quark had accepted a commission from Tiron for a customized pornographic holo-program starring the one and only Major Kira Nerys. Really, Quark and Tiron had violated enough laws by even attempting this scheme that Odo could pick them up right now and see them both before the magistrate. The more severe charges would be against Quark, though. Quark had screwed up big this time.

To get the right source material for his commission, Quark had hacked his way into Kira’s militia file, a felony as far as Bajor was concerned, as well as violated a few Starfleet security regulations. Quark had landed himself in some genuinely serious legal trouble. However, it was Tiron who had instigated this whole affair, and if Odo arrested them for it now, all Tiron would get was a slap on the wrist. A fine, most likely, easily paid by someone with Tiron’s wealth, but no jail time. The only way to put Tiron in jail was to let him fully commit his crime and use Quark's Kira hologram as he'd intended, and there was no way Odo was letting that happen. He'd burn the station down first.

Odo knew the law needed to be followed even if he didn’t like the outcome. He needed to do his job and arrest Quark regardless of Tiron's involvement, but it seemed an unfair balance of justice to let Quark take the fall. Odo had one of his Q & A sessions with the computer to determine his best legal options in this case, but it didn’t help him. On Quark’s homeworld, no one would concern themselves at all with a transaction like the one Tiron had made, so why would Quark? There were no laws against such things on Fereginar, and given the Ferengi take on female social roles, that wasn’t a surprise. Culturally speaking, Odo decided he could let some of what Quark had done slide, but that didn’t help him with Tiron. Under Federation law, what Tiron intended by soliciting the program at all, with the intent to use it without Kira’s permission, was treated as a sex crime and punished accordingly. However, the station was Bajoran property, and Federation law ceded to Bajoran law on all legal matters that did not involve Federation citizens. Kira was Bajoran, so Federation law would not protect her rights in this case. As far as Bajor was concerned, the crime didn’t occur on Bajor, so they didn’t want anything to do with it. They refused to support Odo against Tiron’s government and any potential objections to his detainment. The Bajoran authorities advised Odo to handle the case under intergalactic law. That left Odo on his own to decide how to get Kira the justice she was due without hanging Quark for being Quark.

Luckily, Kira herself turned out to be the solution to Odo's legal dilemmas. Odo called the Major to his office so he could inform her of the data theft and the uploading of the competed holo-program. Odo had asked her if she wanted to press charges, but she declined. Kira told Odo she wanted to handle things herself, and Odo readily accepted her judgment. Since her image, her body, and her dignity were central to this entire situation, Odo figured it was fair if she made the call on how to settle it.

And Major Kira had come up with a delightfully devious way to settle it.

Kira was going to double-cross the deplorables and beat them at their own game. She wanted to hack Quark’s program and arrange a nasty surprise for Tiron by modifying the Kira hologram. In the process, she would reclaim her image from Quark while simultaneously zapping Tiron right in the sexual deviancy. Odo was completely on board with this plan. He was willing to put aside any professional or ethical concerns and hold off on charging Quark to help Kira get to Tiron as justice would be served, even if it was only poetic.

There was one problem with Kira’s plan, though. Altering a holo-program required access to a holosuite, which was accessed through Quark’s bar. That meant Quark would find out about their plan unless they found a way around him. Odo pointed this fact out to Kira.

“You’re right," Kira said. "How do we get Quark out of the bar long enough for us to do what we need to do? And how are we going to access the program without getting the data rod from Quark?”

Odo briefly paused to reflect on these questions. “We don’t have to get Quark to leave the bar,” he concluded. “We just have to make sure he doesn’t go into the holosuites. I think I might know a way to keep him out _and_ get master control access. With master control access, we don't need the data rod.”

“How are we going to do that?”

“Rom.”

Kira’s devious grin returned. “Rom,” she said. She stood. “C’mon, Constable. Let’s go see Rom.”

“Not so fast, Major,” Odo said. “We need to be covert. We don’t want to tip off Quark.”

“Right,” Kira said. She sat back down in her chair. “This plan of mine is already getting mighty complicated, Odo. Maybe you're right. Maybe we should just arrest those two sons-of-targs and have done with it.”

“Ethically speaking, as ranking officers on this station, that is what we should do.”

Kira wrinkled her nose. “But it’s not as satisfying, is it? I don’t want to see Quark hurt, either, Odo, but I do want to teach him a lesson. He needs to get it through that think, lumpy skull of his that his bar does not operate on Ferenginar and we have rules here. I suppose if we can’t figure things out, we can always fall back to the legal way of doing things, but all I care about at this point is stopping Tiron from accessing that holo-program. I don’t care whose law says what. Tiron has no right to use me, my image, my body for his—” She cut herself off before she spoke the unspeakable. She shuddered. _“Ugh!_ The man is revolting, Odo, and I’ve been patient with his creeping around here long enough. I want him off this station, and I never want to see his presumptive, entitled face again. A fine isn’t going to do anything about keeping him out of here.”

“Agreed,” Odo replied.

Odo studied the pensive pull of Kira’s brow. She started chewing on her lower lip and her arms were wrapped protectively around her middle. Her confidence was waning. Or was it her bravado that was starting to slide? It was sometimes hard to tell the difference with Kira. 

“Don’t worry, Major,” he said. “We’ll make sure Tiron becomes Quark’s least satisfied customer to date. Once we run him off, I don’t think he’ll come back to DS9 anytime soon.”

Kira lifted her gaze and looked at Odo. That little pinch in her brow relaxed. “We’ll stick with the plan, then,” she said. “So how are we going to reprogram Tiron’s special order without getting caught?”

Odo had a plan for that, and it was a simple one. They’d go to the bar, pull Rom to the side, and tell him the truth: His big brother had really stepped in it this time. Rom needed to keep his mouth shut and keep Quark away from a holosuite for the afternoon so Odo and Kira could save Quark from himself.  

“Good plan,” Kira said. “It’s direct, to the point. I like it. Now, can we go see Rom?”

Odo accessed the station’s security sensor grid to locate Rom. They were in luck. Rom was in the bar on the second level. Odo knew that meant Rom was assigned as team lead for the upstairs section of the bar. Rom would be on the second level for the entire afternoon as he supervised the other wait staff, putting Rom in a prime position to ensure Odo and Kira weren’t interrupted. Already, Odo could see his plan was going to work.

With ready determination, a shared sense of purpose, and an agreed upon plan of action, Odo and Kira left the security office and headed to Quark’s Bar to execute Operation Stop the Holo-Porn.

At the threshold of Quark’s bar, Kira and Odo paused. They couldn’t just barge in. Their entrance had to be precisely timed for maximum concealment. Quark was at the main bar mixing drinks. All would be lost if he spotted Odo and Kira walking in.

Kira and Odo stood to the side of the bar’s entrance, waiting for the right opportunity. It was busy on the Promenade, so it didn’t take long for that opportunity to present itself.

Kira nudged Odo’s side with her elbow. She jutted her chin at something ahead of them.

Odo looked in the direction Kira indicated. A large group of Bularians was approaching the entrance to Quark’s. He nodded at Kira.

_Perfect…_

When the Bularians drew close enough, Odo and Kira seamlessly slipped into step with the group and snuck their way into the bar right under Quark’s greedy nose. They continued to use the Bularian party for cover until they reached the side stair to the second level. They broke off from the group and began their ascent up the stair.

Midway up the stairs, Odo spared a glance down on an unsuspecting Quark. He watched as Quark poured something blue into a glass with considerable flair and proudly presented it to his customer. Quark’s customer rewarded him with a little clap of delight. Quark bowed at the praise and left the patron to enjoy her drink. Only Odo saw the humble smile that lifted the corners of Quark’s mouth.

Odo almost felt sorry for Quark. He had no idea what Major Kira was about to do to him. Poor dolt. Then again, it was his fault any of this was necessary. If not for Quark’s greedy streak and his deliberate choice to indulge it, he would probably have a much more profitable life. He had all the other elements for success, no matter how hard he tried to hide them behind typified Ferengi conduct. It was a shame, really. In his quest for profit, Quark was often his own worst enemy.

Odo left off his moment of pity for Quark and hurried up the last few steps to catch up to Kira. When they reached the top of the stairs, Kira and Odo began scanning the second level for Rom. It didn’t take long to find him. No matter what Quark had to say about his brother’s abilities, Rom was a faithful employee and was exactly where he was supposed to be—hard at work.

Odo and Kira crossed the second level toward Rom. Rom’s back was to the pair. He had his hands full with a large grey bussing bin. Two Ferengi waiters stood nearby, leaning against a wall as Rom worked, their bussing bins hanging empty from their idle hands. A slight sheen of sweat beaded Rom’s broad brow as he demonstrated the proper way to clear a full table. The pair of waters kept egging Rom on and asking him questions Odo knew they damned well knew the answer to. They laughed and smirked at Rom’s back as he did their work.

Odo was angered on Rom’s behalf, and not because he was particularly fond of Rom, but because Rom was placed in this unbalanced situation through lack of forethought on Quark's part. Leading others wasn’t exactly Rom’s strength. Watching Rom flounder in the role his brother assigned him reminded Odo of the bigger implications of Quark’s lack of forethought and blind adherence to Ferengi modes of conduct. The knowledge renewed Odo’s purpose in what he was about to do to Rom to get him to cooperate. After all, the more Quark got hurt, the more Rom got hurt.

Odo prepared his best Constable Odo glare to level at Rom’s antagonizes and run them off. He didn’t get to deploy it. Kira beat him to it.

“You two— _Scram!_ ”

The two waiters were gone in a flash. Odo didn’t blame them. The angry glare of Kira’s gaze could’ve melted metal. Personally, Odo loved every fiery, fatal glint in that gaze, but mere mortals were probably wise to run.

Rom dropped his bussing bin on the table. Rom also tried to run from Kira. Odo caught his sleeve.

“Wait, Rom, not you. We need to talk.”

Rom went still, cringing and shrinking under Odo’s grip. With a twinge of guilt, Odo loosened his hold.

“Rom,” Kira said, softening her tone. “We have a situation. Your brother’s is in big trouble, and we need your help to save him.”

Rom looked up at Odo. “Do I want to save him?’

“Yes, Rom, this time, you do,” Odo replied. He had been prepared for Rom’s objections and had a ready argument to sway Rom to their side. “I’ve got enough on your brother right now to send him to prison for at least three years.”

“For what?”

“Violation of intergalactic copyright law. Specifically, unauthorized use of a holo-image for the purpose of solicitation.”

“Oh…Uh-oh.”

“Yes, Rom, uh-oh. Quark will do some real time if he’s found guilty. And if Quark does time, you’ll be left in charge of the bar.”

“But isn’t that a good thing? I’ve always said I wanted the bar.”

“It wouldn’t be yours, though. A prison sentence doesn’t necessarily cancel ownership of property. Quark will still own this place from behind a forcefield and you’ll be here on your own to run the bar. You’ll do all the work and Quark will still rake in the profits.” Odo leaned a little closer to Rom, as if sharing a secret. “All of that responsibility, Rom—so much of it with your big brother gone—but none of the glory for your efforts. Does that seem fair to you?”

Odo watched Rom’s face, waiting to see if anything he said sank in. Rom’s mouth was hanging open, his eyes dully glazed. Odo knew from experience that glazed-over look didn’t necessarily mean Rom wasn’t home. Rom just took more time answering the door than most.

Rom was taking an especially long time answering, though. Since Rom wasn’t as dumb as he looked, he was likely using this pause to contemplate the other side of the argument Odo had deliberately avoided. Rom had the opportunity to rid himself of Quark for several years but still keep the family business and his home, run the bar himself, and pay himself the wages he was actually due rather than the pittance Quark paid him. If Quark went to prison, Rom would have more work, but he would also get a substantial raise. However, he would have to allow his kin to get picked up by station authorities. What was a Ferengi-born, resentful-yet-loyal younger brother to do?

Rom heaved a heavy sigh. He looked to Kira. “My brother won’t be hurt, will he?”

“No, Rom, I promise he won’t,” she said.

 "What do you need me to do?”

Kira filled Rom in on his role in the plan: At all costs, keep Quark away from the holosuites for the afternoon while Kira and Odo made some modifications to one of his holo-programs.

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Aaaand if I can’t stop him from going into the holosuites? If you get caught messing around with his programs?”

“Don’t worry, Rom,” Kira said. “If Quark catches us, you had absolutely nothing to do with it.”

Kira’s assurance of keeping Rom out of their business solidified Rom’s decision. He was in. Operation Stop the Holo-Porn was moving forward.

Rom led Odo and Kira across the second level to the holosuites. He showed them to holosuite one. Odo and Kira’s luck held as the suite currently stood empty. Rom stopped at the outside control panel and made a couple of taps to the keys.

“There,” Rom said. “Now, the computer will flag the holosuite as out of service. No one should bother you, and I’ll just tell my brother I’m up here repairing it.” Rom turned to Kira. “He’ll believe that...Right?”

Kira smiled at Rom and patted his shoulder. “I think so, Rom. Thanks.”

“Rom, where is the holosuite master control panel?” Odo asked.

“Access is integrated with the menu on this unit,” Rom replied. “I figured you’d need master control access if you wanted to modify a program, although if you had the master codex for the program matrix, you could access master control for the whole system from any of the suites, from anywhere on the station, really, but even Brother doesn’t have the master codex for the holomatrix because he bought these holosuites refurbished from a Tellarite trader who got them from a Ferengi merchant who got them from a …” Rom trailed off, and his expression went distant. “I have to go,” Rom said. “I forgot…My brother. He’ll be up here any second to find out why his holosuite is offline…I gotta go.”

Rom turned to scuttle out of the holosuite. “Rom,” Kira said. “Thanks again. I promise this is all for Quark’s own good. And I meant what I said. He won’t be hurt.”

“Not permanently, anyway,” Odo muttered.

Kira elbowed Odo’s ribs. “We’ll let you know as soon we’re out of here,” she said to Rom.

“Good luck,” Rom said and dashed out the holosuite door.

“Well,” Kira began after Rom was gone. “Mission checkpoint one is accomplished. We have snuck past the shady bartender, won over one of his lackeys, and have control over one of his holosuites.” She turned in a circle and looked at the blank, black walls of the holo-grid. She turned back to grin at Odo, a hint of that puckish gleam in her gaze again. “Odo and Nerys, all alone in a holosuite,” she teased. “What shall we do with ourselves, sweetheart?”

‘Why, we execute our plan for revenge, my dear,” Odo returned. “Computer, activate holo-program with environment only: ‘That-Putz-Tiron Custom Program 1.”

_“That program is currently password-protected. Please state password.”_

“Override password protection. Odo, authorization Zed Omega nine-nine.”

“Putz?” Kira asked. “Is that part of Tiron’s name?”

“No,” Odo replied. “That’s Quark’s sense of humor. ‘Putz’ is an Earth word for an obnoxious fool of the male persuasion. Quark must’ve heard it somewhere, probably from the redshirts.”

Kira huffed a laugh as the holosuite walls began to ripple and change, indicating the computer was preparing to load the program. “Maybe Quark isn’t as clueless as we thought,” she said.

“Joke’s still on him,” Odo replied. “He wrote a holo-porn program using the image of the highest-ranking woman on this station, and he got caught doing it. Quark has no room to call anyone a putz.”

The program loaded in full and the holosuite was transformed. Odo took it in the newly formed holo-environment and heaved a dejected sigh. What on Bajor had Quark written, anyway? It was so… _pink._

The computer had transported Odo and Kira into bilious, overblown rose of a boudoir fantasy. Kira and Odo’s discussion of Earth vernacular faded as they took in their surroundings.  Everywhere Odo looked was pink and gauzy and tasteless. It was as stereotypically romantic an environment as Odo imagined Quark would imagine. And yet, there was also something familiar about this room, and that carpet, and that bed, and those specifically pink bedcurtains…

“Wait,” Odo said. “I think I know this place. I think I know where we are.”

He stepped further into the holo-environment, inspecting, observing, a trepidations Kira stuck closely to his side. He looked at the ceiling, the walls, the gigantic pillow-piled bed. An artificial breeze lifted the bedcurtains. Between a billow, Odo caught a glimpse of a window cut into a rough stone wall and a hazy desert view beyond, as well as a pair of fur-lined manacles attached to chains, tacked into the wall. The pink fur lining those restraints confirmed it. Odo definitely knew this room.

“Well?” Kira prompted. “Where are we, Constable?”

“This is the royal seraglio in the regent’s palace from _Vulcan Love Slave_ Number 17,” Odo replied. He grunted a sound of disgust. “Leave it to Quark to cut corners. He didn’t even write Tiron an original program. He pirated one he already had. If he was going to rip off a published program to cheat a VIP client, he might have gone higher-class than this. VLS number 17 is arguably the worst novella of the series.”

Kira grabbed Odo’s sleeve and halted him. “Odo,” she said. “How do you know this?”

_Good one, Odo. Now, who’s a putz?_

“I, uh…Uh, I…I read a critic’s review in the Bajoran newswire. The reviewer was pretty harsh.”

Kira bit her cheek. “Literary reviews, huh? That’s how you know the environment depicted in a specific erotic novel so well you can identify it on sight in a holo-program?”

“Yes, Major,” Odo replied, faking a bit of pique. Damned his big mouth, anyway. He’d just made things worse. “It was an in-depth, comprehensive review and I read it thoroughly.”

“Odo, why would you care to?” she asked.

“I like to stay abreast of popular culture,” he replied. “It’s important to my work.”

“Oh, I see…Abreast…Is there any particular character in this novella you’d like to stay _abreast_ of?”

“Major!”

Kira finally let go of the guffaw she was biting back and had a good laugh at Odo’s expense. Odo gave her a warning look, which only made her laugh harder. Odo didn’t really resent the ribbing, though, at least not from her. Besides, her sass was his fault. He’d set her up for that ‘abreast’ pot-shot like a bounce-point in springball. However, if they didn’t get off the subject of exactly how Odo was so familiar with their surroundings, she’d pry the truth out of him. Odo knew where Quark had found his inspiration for this holo-environment because Odo had read the entire VLS erotic novel series himself. Twice.

Odo turned his dark look to one of irritated aloofness. He turned his nose up and crossed his arms over his chest to enhance the illusion of his offense. After all, a good offense was the best defense.

“Oh, Odo, don’t look at me like that, I could care less what you read,” Kira said. Odo gave her another dose of side-eye and her laughter faded. “All right, I’m sorry, I’ll stop.” She heaved a sobering breath. “Now, let’s get in this seraglio-thing and see what kind of damage Quark has done with my file.”

Odo backtracked to the wall by the door and asked the computer to reveal the control panel. As Rom promised, the master control icon was available at the bottom of the screen. Odo pressed it and switched the controls to programmer mode. He looked up the character files. There was only one. Quark had deleted everyone else who was supposed to be in the room.

“You know, Major, I don’t have to activate a character to modify it. We can do this without turning anyone on.”

“I know,” Kira said, “but I want to see it. All of it. This might sound a little strange, Odo, but I feel like I have a right to see this program.”

“It isn't strange,” Odo replied. “Computer, activate holo-character Kira 1.”

The computer did as it was asked and turned on the character drivers for the Kira 1 hologram. Odo heard the shift of protons and energy being manipulated from behind the curtain. Odo turned back to the bed to see what was manifesting. Through the shift of pink curtains, Odo could see a pair of delicate, demurely crossed white feet resting on a pink pillow. The tease of seeing those pale little feet and their delicate arches suddenly brought the situation home for Odo. He’d been so caught up in Kira’s plight, he’d forgotten the highly awkward, probably hypocritical, and potentially inflammatory position he’d placed himself in by agreeing to her plan because he, too, would now see the Kira hologram. He would see the woman of his dreams depicted in someone else’s.

Now who lacked forethought?

“You'd better look at what's behind the curtain first, Major,” Odo said. “I don’t know what Quark dressed her in, or even if he dressed her.”

Kira moved forward and parted the pink curtains. She disappeared behind them. A few seconds later, she called back to Odo.

“You’re fine, Odo. She’s clothed…Mostly.”

Odo wasn’t sure he should see what was behind that curtain. The idea posed yet another ethical dilemma for Odo. No matter that the female figure on the bed was governed by algorithms and was totally automated, no matter that she was photonic light held together by quantum fields and not real flesh, she would still be wearing Kira’s face. She would still speak with Kira’s mouth and move with Kira’s limbs. She would be lying in the middle of a large bed as the central object of a sexual fantasy. Odo wasn’t sure he was ready to see his own fantasies manifested right in front of him and experience such scintillations right in front of the genuine article. Who knew how much of a putz he’d make of himself then? After all, he was a being deeply in love, and beings in love tended to do some foolish things.

“Odo,” Kira called, “are you coming?”

Odo heaved a fortifying breath. He was here; he couldn’t back out now. Backing out would only make his heart’s dilemma more obvious.

Odo stepped forward and parted the pink curtains. On the bed and in the center, looking as come-hither as the computer could make her, was Major Kira. She was, as real Kira said, mostly clothed. She was wearing a short, gauzy shift in the same shade of pink as the curtains. The shift covered the important bits, but left her pale, smooth, finely shaped legs exposed all the way to the upper thigh…Velvety, creamy, curvy white thighs that looked like a wonderful landscape for a shapeshifter to pour himself over and—

Odo tore his gaze away from fake Kira’s lap. It took him what, two seconds to get distracted? Prophets save him, how was he ever going to get through this?

_“I’ve been waiting for you...”_

Every cell in Odo’s Changeling form was jolted by that lusty purr. It was the cure he needed. Quark had used Kira’s vocal patterns to give the hologram a voice, but Odo’s Changeling senses were downright offended by their artificial reconfiguration. Sure, the woman on the bed sounded like Kira, but it wasn’t _her_. The want in that voice wasn’t real. It reminded him of that morning, when Kira had taken his hand in the replimat to fend off Tiron’s advances. Kira’s affection was as artificial then as it was now. He used that remembrance and his anger toward the real enemy in this situation to strengthen his resolve. He would _not_ be distracted by any sexual delusions about Major Kira, neither his or someone else’s. It was unworthy of them both.

Odo moved his gaze upward, to the hologram’s face. It was Kira’s exactly, right down to those deep brown eyes and their tendency to a sultry tilt, and Odo’s resolve slipped again. For once, that tilt was turned fully toward him.

“Not bad, huh?”

“Huh?”

“Quark’s work,” Kira said. “Not too bad, at least the face and the voice. The body’s not mine, though. Nice, but not mine.”

Odo risked moving closer to real Kira and the bed. “I-I wouldn’t know. I don’t think I’ve ever seen this much of you before.”

Kira huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I suppose not. I do my best to keep my pants on when I’m around you.”

Fake Kira languidly raised herself from the bed. She smiled sweetly at Odo and took his hand. She pressed the back of his hand to her face and rolled her cheek against it. 

“ _Come to bed, master, please._ _I've been so bad while you were gone. I need to be taught another lesson, and I've been aching for you to come home and instruct me...Master, please..."_

Odo yanked his hand away from fake Kira. Fake Kira pouted at Odo’s rejection. Real Kira laughed again.

“Wow, Odo, master. She must really like you.”

“She’s programmed to,” Odo said, not bothering to conceal his disgust. “I am feeling more and more like we’re letting Quark and Tiron off too easy for this. This whole situation is so…degrading, so unworthy of you, that I can’t even… _Gah!_ Maybe we should settle this the old-fashioned way and hang those two in a public square!”

Kira looked away from fake Kira and her fake pouting and turned to Odo. Her gaze turned speculative. “You’re really angry about this.”

“Yes! Aren’t you?”

“Of course, I am, Odo,” she replied. “And I’m trying my best not to let it get to me. I’ve been trying since I got rid of Tiron last night. We’re not going to all this trouble to let Quark and Tiron off easy. We’re letting _me_ off easy. When you told me that Quark had actually managed to write this program, I did want to prosecute, but if we’d taken this to trial, they would have called up this program over and over in court and _everyone_ would have seen it. For me, any justice served would’ve been tainted, and it was doomed to inadequacy from the start. _That_ thing is damned humiliating, and I have to reconcile myself to her existence, but if not for Quark, I wouldn't have to. I’m currently comforting myself with the fact that the only one who’s ever going to see me cast as a photonic sexbot is you. Somehow, that makes me feel a little less like murdering anyone.”

Odo almost reminded Kira that as the program’s writer, Quark had seen it, too. Before Odo could put his foot in his mouth, he got distracted by fake Kira again. While the real people were talking, the hologram had scooted to the edge of the bed and perched herself in front of Odo's hips. The warm friction of her hands rubbing slowly over his legs got Odo’s attention. He looked down at her upturned face. Fake Kira smiled a sweet but empty smile at him. Her gaze was just as sweet and empty as she slid her hands higher and reached for the front of his trousers.

Odo and Kira said together: “Computer, freeze program!”

Fake Kira was paused mid-grope. Odo began to extricate himself from her grasp, but it was a sensitive operation. One of her hands had grabbed the fabric at the front of his trousers, looking for a way in. The other had slid high up between his legs. Odo assessed his predicament before he reacted. He reached for the hand holding the front of his trousers first. Odo was aware he was touching a hologram, but the bones of her wrist and fingers felt just as delicate in his grip as the real thing, so he treated her just as carefully. He gently pried her fingers loose, one by one, slowly undoing her fist and easing the fabric from her grasp. Once his pants were free, freeing his leg was much easier. He simply stepped out of her reach.

After Odo had freed himself, he turned to Kira, ready to make some sort of crack to deflect the awkwardness of the situation, but Kira’s expression stopped him. Her gaze was still focused on holo-Kira's hands. A rosy blush had risen on her cheeks, her lips were slightly parted, and she looked as if she wanted…Well, what was that look, exactly? It couldn’t be what Odo thought it was.

“Kira?”

Kira closed her eyes. She gave herself a little shake. “All right," she said, "this program is really starting to mess with my head. Let’s do what we came here to do and get out.”

“That is a fantasic idea, Major."

Odo turned away from fake Kira and walked back through the pink curtains, real Kira right behind him. They continued to the control panel. On the panel, Odo opened the character file fully so they could take it apart. He isolated the parameters for the character design, prepared to do Kira’s bidding, but he noticed something about the character design that made him pause.

“I see now what you meant about the body,” Odo said. “Quark was lazy. He superimposed your facial scan over the image from the original Vulcan character and then cleaned up the color matching for the skin tone. Your body scans from your physical were in your medical file. He could’ve easily seamed your body scans into the programming matrix, but he didn’t even try...I wonder why?"

“That putz Tiron, remember?” Kira said. “Obviously, Quark’s heart wasn’t in this, Odo. I’m guessing Tiron threatened him in some way. But even if he was short-changing Tiron out of spite, the concept was still there. Tiron would still have assumed it was me, that he could just strut into this holosuite and fu—well...You know what he planned."

"I can imagine."

"I can’t let that go. I still want to roast that little weasel for what he did with my file.”

“Then let us commence with the roasting,” Odo said. “Just how repulsive would you like me to make you, Major?”

“Really, really repulsive,” Kira said. “Like interspecies inbreeding repulsive. I want to be a total monstrosity, Odo. Maybe try replacing the head with an animal’s?”

Odo opened the prefix menus for composite characters. He selected the database for animals. Kira didn’t have a particular animal in mind, only telling Odo, ‘I’ll know it when I see it’ so Odo started at the top of the list. The programmer’s list was still alphabetized in Cardassian, which only said how haywired Quark’s holosuites were. Why hadn't Quark applied any of Chief O'Brien's OS updates? Good thing Odo could read Cardassian.

Odo temporarily removed the bedcurtains so they could see what they were doing. He selected an animal from the list and isolated the parameters he wanted. He applied the mods to the Kira character and loaded them. The computer reset the program and laid holo-Kira out on the bed in sultry repose, only this time, from the shoulders up, she had the white feathered head and shimmering blue beak of the Ferrian hawk.  

“Too mythological,” Kira said. “Something else.”

Odo chose a Terellian terrier.

“Too surreal,” Kira said. “That looks like a painting I’ve seen somewhere before.”

A Trillian rabbit?

“Nah.”

A Romulan centipede. 

“Oh, gods, Odo!" Kira's arms shielded her face. "I want Tiron to lose his libido, not have a heart attack!”

An Iguerian iguana, a Cardassian cheetah, and an Earth rhinoceros all met with nos, although the iguana almost got the thumbs-up.

“Maybe we’re going about this the wrong way,” Kira said. “What else could we do to her?”

_Poetic justice…_

“Oh, Major. I think I’ve just had the best idea of the day.”

“Oh, yeah? Prove it.”

Odo went back to prefix menus for people. Rather than digging through them, he keyed a search to find what he wanted. The computer readily produced exactly what he was looking for.

“I think you’re going to like this,” Odo said.

He loaded the new mods. The program reset and Kira took it in. Her eyes widened in shock at the results of Odo's dark works. 

“Odo, what have you done? It is an abomination before the Prophets. We must burn it with fire.”

“Too much?”

“Absolutely not,” she said. Her shoulders started to shake with laughter. “Oh, that is so twisted, Odo! Why didn't I think of it?"

“Should I match up the skin tone and the scale of the head?”

“Nope. The mismatch of the Ferengi head to the Vulcan body is what makes it so awful. That, and Quark’s face. Leave it.”

“Save the changes, then?”

"Can you add Quark's voice, too?"

"It's already done."

“Then, by all means, Odo, please. Save the changes."

Odo saved the changes to the program. Without telling Kira, he added one further modification. He tacked on a code that would eat the program after the initial access. This holo-program could be played once, and only once. Odo’s trapdoor would also eat the original VLS program Quark had pirated. If he wanted it back, he’d have to buy it again. 

Kira clapped him on the shoulder. “Constable, you do excellent work. Maybe you really are the master in here."

“Thank you, Major,” he replied.

“I wish I could be here to see Tiron’s face, but that would ruin the surprise. We’ll have to settle for hanging out by the entrance to the bar to catch him on the way out. Meet me in your office at twenty-hours to witness the horror?”

Odo agreed, of course, but not just for Kira’s sake. He also didn’t want to leave Quark alone with an angry Tiron. They’d set Quark up pretty badly and Tiron was going to be furious. Odo knew his presence would be a deterrent to any physical retaliation.

Odo was, of course, proven to be correct as the operation moved into its final phase. After uploading the modified program, Odo and Kira burned it to a data rod and gave the rod to Rom. Rom assured them he would see that it replaced the one Quark had behind the bar. Kira temporarily parted ways with Odo and went back to her duties. Odo insisted Rom bring him the old data rod as proof he'd followed through (and also so he could destroy any remaining copies of the program) and Rom did so in short order. Odo was impressed with Rom's efficiency and discretion. Quark grievously underestimated the abilities of his shifty little brother.

Odo and Kira met in the security office at twenty-hours and did a stake-out on the entrance of Quark's using the security cameras. As soon as they saw Tiron rush across the screen into the bar, they rushed across the Promenade to be in place for his grand exit. They stayed at the door, waiting, Odo standing at Kira's back. It took four minutes for Tiron to come barreling down the stairs to upbraid Quark, and boy, did Quark get an upbraiding. Odo had never seen Quark go quite that shade of red before. The best part was that Quark had no idea why he was being upbraided. Odo braced himself to step in and intervene, but luckily Tiron wasn't coarse enough to start a bar fight. Tiron turned to the door to leave and that is when he ran into Major Kira. Major Kira gave him her best 'gotcha' face, and Tiron caught on. He knew who had duped him. He stepped forward toward Kira, but then he spotted Odo staring at him over her shoulder. The cold stare Odo gave Tiron made it quite clear he'd better think carefully about his next move. Tiron got the message and made himself scarce.

Operation Stop the Holo-Porn was a resounding success. 

"Oh, Odo," Kira said, laughing at Tiron's retreating back. "That was great! So much better than courts and judges and arrest warrants."

"I agree," Odo said, "but we can't make a habit of handling things this way. We've not done a single thing today that was completely legal. If we don't clean up our act, we'll both get the boot."

"I know," Kira said. "But still, I had a blast...C'mon, I'll walk you to your quarters."

"Oh, no, you won't. I'll walk you to your quarters. Tiron hasn't even had time to get to his ship yet."

"Good point. I will accept your escort home, then, sir."

Odo and Kira turned away from Quark's and made a casual walk to her quarters. Along the way, they recapped the day's events and relived the more amusing moments, sharing their favorite highlights with one another. When they got to Kira's door, neither of them were quite ready to part, so they lingered in the hall of the habit ring and talked a little longer. The longer they lingered, the more personal the conversation became, until they got back to heart of the matter.

“Humph,” Odo said. “I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand humanoid sexuality. It’s so… _confusing.”_

"It is, even for us humanoids,” Kira replied. “Keep reading those ‘literary reviews,’ though. They’ll help, just so long as you don’t take them too seriously.”

“But that’s just it. The environment we were in today was from one of those novels. Ethically speaking, how is what is depicted in those stories any different than what Tiron and Quark tried to pull? Those stories don't exactly provide an elevated perspective on sex, at least not ones like the VLS series. It seems hypocritical to accept one form of erotica and censure another."

“Those stories are about sexual desire, Odo, in context and with consent. There’s nothing wrong with a little fantasy, and every fantasy is a little different. What Tiron tried to pull had nothing to do with desire or sex. If it did, he would have satisfied his urges with a holographic composite or an actual sex worker. What Tiron wanted was control, over me, which I denied him, and he tried to find a way to claim through strong-arming and extortion. For Tiron, it was about power. For Quark, I assume this was all about money. Or maybe he just exploited me to save his own ass.”

“You’re right, of course. But I’m still confused. But that’s not surprising. I’ve been confused all day.”

“Actually, that brings up another issue, one I've side-stepped all day. I owe you an apology.”

“For what?”

“For this morning. For the replimat. Some of your confusion is my fault. I’m the one who dragged you into this. I’m sure all this messy humanoid mating ritual stuff has annoyed you, and I—"

“Kira,” he said, resting his hands on her shoulders. “Surely, you’re not blaming yourself for Tiron’s behavior?”

“No, Odo,” she said. “I’m blaming myself for mine. For using you and putting you in the awkward position I did to get around what I should have done in the first place, which is to tell Tiron to go straight to hell. I’d already told him no last night and that should’ve been enough. By not being direct, I only escalated the situation. I should never have used you as an excuse to avoid a confrontation. You’re my friend, and you deserve much better from me.”

“Well,” Odo said. He realized his hands were still on Kira's shoulders. He dropped them to his sides. “As you say, we are friends. Being my friend means you can put me in whatever awkward position you like. After all, I am a shapeshifter. I can handle it.”

Kira bit her cheek. “If I didn’t know you better, Odo, I’d say that was a double entendre.”

“Humph! Hardly! It’s a factual statement.”

“My mistake,” Kira said, her grin widening. “Maybe we spent too much time in that holosuite.”

Kira turned to her door and keyed in her code. The door to her quarters opened. She stepped over the threshold and turned back to Odo.

“Thank you for today, Odo. Thank you for standing with me.”

“You’re welcome, Nerys. You're always welcome."

“Goodnight, sweetheart.”

“Goodnight...sweetheart.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Based on characters belonging to CBS/ Paramount. The characters are theirs, this story is mine. This story is specifically based on ST:DS9 3x08, "Meridian." Thanks to a certain O/K fan for the story prompt, although I'm pretty sure I got way off topic from what she was asking for.


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